Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
