ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
