we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
