so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
