Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
