Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Randomize
