My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You pole danced in your parka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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