looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
