I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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