It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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