i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
