sarcasm needs its own font
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
