Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
