haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
