Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
