the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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