I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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