I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
