So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
