He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
