I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
