I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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