a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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