oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
