hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
