How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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