apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
