You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
