Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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