Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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