My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
