Whod you bang
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
