how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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