you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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