Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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