my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
