that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
