I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
