what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
