why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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