It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
