I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
