Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
