I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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