sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
