We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize
