he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
