he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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