Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
