I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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