I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
