i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
