Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
