i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
