dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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