just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
