there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
