It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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