He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
